The Missed Connection Who Cried 'Amore!'

You can laugh but you can't judge me. You know you do it, too.

When I get bored, I like to browse the 'missed connections' section of Craigslist, namely to see what the minimum feature is to catch someone's attention - sometimes, it's simply wearing the right shades - but also to observe the personality traits of the obsessed.

"You always order the tall latte and empty four packets of honey into it..."

"I overheard that you like your eggs sunny side up. I like mine fertilized..."

"I was too shy to talk to you but wish those powerful hands were all over me right now..."

Yes, I do think most of the posters are actually female. I can't recall a male-sounding post. I am, however, amazed at the persistence of some people:

"This is Lynn from the burger joint at 26'32 longitude, 31'22 latitude! If you are the guy who asked me what book I was reading, please respond."

(two days later)

"Lynn, here. Looking for Steven xxxxx. Any girls know Steven? The really cute skater guy with blue eyes?"

(one week later, armed with Google search results for 'Steven xxxxx')

"Lynn, again. Just want to know if Steven xxxx, the guy who frequents Cafe Artemis, is the same guy who graduated from Belmont High School in 2002."

(four days and a Grey's Anatomy episode plus John Cusack romantic comedy later)

"Steven! I think we'd be a great match! I think I know what gas station you pump gas at. You always get 91 octane I notice."

(two hours later, with a tone of finality that would drown out the OJ Simpson trial verdict)

"Lynn, this is Steven. I only asked what book you were reading because I was looking for one for my fiancee. Please leave me alone."

I don't necessarily take pleasure in reading something like that. It is the equivalent of finding out Santa's diabetic and that's why he never ate your cookies or that your first love had a sex change and THAT'S why the Adam's apple was a little larger than yours, no it wasn't normal, yes anyone could have been fooled.

But would it be wrong to take on the role of a 'missed connections matchmaker,' if only to appease the lovesick homebodies whom, by virtue of anonymous posting on a public site like Craigslist, can manage to be introverts and voyeurs at the same time?

I can't wait to pose as a 'Steven' and make someone's day on a public forum. I just hope that the other end doesn't have an Adam's apple bigger than mine.