Hangin' With Mr. Bluetooth

I saw Mr. Bluetooth at the Britannia Arms pub two weeks ago. He was hanging out in a corner of the dance floor, adorned with faux dog tags and white-knuckling the long-neck of his Corona Extra. Extra, as in 'look at me, I'm extra douche.' I'm pretty sure we are all allowed at least one stereotype, maybe two, but any more and we parody ourselves.

Mr. Bluetooth was silent and not moving, but he wasn't drunk. He had a look of intent in his eyes, which my own pair followed and estimated to be locked onto a group of bouncy college posteriors; at least he was logical. Good for him.

But that was all the logic that Mr. Bluetooth brought with him to the pub. (Note: Any place that sells hard liquor cannot be called a 'pub,' by definition of the word) Either he was a sports agent or a surgeon or a drug dealer (do any of them have social lives, anyway?) because he stood there with a blinding blue light flashing from his ear lobe. So bright was this light that the noise of the live band playing and the flailing of double-fisted drinks wasn't enough to distract the runway light emitting from Mr. Bluetooth's head. If the venue had been open air, I would've ducked to avoid landing gear.

Do we seem more unavailable when we wear a headset and therefore cooler? Outside of the 9 to 5, it's out of place. Outside of wearing one while driving, it serves little function. Besides, with stylish cell phones and cell phone adornments, why negate the 'personality' you can attribute to your cellular by wearing a headset so your phone stays buried in your denim? Steve jobs would shit an iPhone - fully activated - if people kept theirs in their pockets and only used their headsets.

Is this a new fad? Do people stand there with their bluetooth headsets, permanently on, without a need to talk? This must be the succession to wearing sunglasses indoors of the 90s. Or tucking your shirt in your underwear of the 80s.

Someone should document the change in times not just by what is stylish and what music is popular, but also by what new and retarded trend currently fits the direction of the consumer market. I predict groups of young folks congregating around their music players hooked up to portable speakers (the analog..well, the digital...of high schoolers lifting their trunk lids to blast bass-filled noise pollution marking their 'territory'), outdoors, and hordes of drunk girls rushing over to dance to the coolest tunes playing within earshot, like beads attracting bare breasts at Mardi Gras.